Almost every night when I go to bed I hear a homeless person outside my apartment rifling through my recycle bin. The sound reminds me of how desperate some people are to make any money they can, and it generally motivates me to grind harder. I’m pretty sure I’m in the top .01% of the world in time spent playing poker. I’ve been puting in around 60 hours a week only to find myself running over 15% below my expected value. Its pretty tough to keep going when every time you put chips in the pot the site is telling you to, “bend over and cough”.

I’m closer to going busto then I ever have before in my life. It takes a serious toll on your body physically and emotionally, whoever said poker is an easy living either has no idea or is on life run good. Not every player gets put in this spot, but a lot do. I’ve said it before, anyone can be happy when the are winning, but your true colors are shown on your bad swings. I know I’ll come back, I’m a winning player, a very winning player, but at times it just seems impossible. I haven’t been drinking my problems away, which I can attribute to good parenting and companionship, thanks moms and pops. Sometimes when people are down and out they resort to substance abuse to escape reality, that’s a big no no in my book. One time when I was in Paris I saw a homeless woman drinking a 40 and taking a dump on the side of the street, outside of a church, in broad day light….so filthy.

The perks of being a poker player are awesome, I can’t deny that. But there is comfort and consistency in a 9 to 5. It is hard to go out and have a good time knowing you just lost $3000 in a day, but then again when you make $20,000 you can celebrate like its your last night alive.

It’s important to make sure you don’t attribute all your losses to run bad. At times I like to do that because its the easy way out. Nobody plays perfect, ever. There is always room for improvement, and if you don’t think so than there is a serious flaw in your poker mindset.

Anyways my balance is way out of line. Writing helps, a lot. Once I’m financially stable I think I’m going to write a screenplay. Shutter Island knocked my socks off and inspired me. Obviously it will take a few years but great things take hard work, like becoming a great poker player.