This past week, I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life. If you’re thinking it involves some troubling poker hand I played, you’re sadly mistaking. Those choices are easy for one has but a few options – calling and folding. What I to endure made even the most arduous river decision seem trivial. My predicament came on aisle 12 of Target while attempting to buy laundry detergent. I anticipated a leisurely shopping experience, maybe 15 minutes at most. I soon realized that I vastly underestimated the severity of the situation. There they were like beggars on the street, pleading for me to buy them. Tide, Cheer, All, Gain – each brand more alluring than the next. How was I (a mere mortal) to know which detergent was superior? I looked down the aisle to a fellow shopper in search of some answers. She (apparently just as flabbergasted as I) was smelling each detergent in hopes of a solution. I thought about replicating her method but realized her strategy had several crucial flaws. One needs to judge a product on overall performance, not merely one attribute. Thus, I began to do something I vowed never to do; read the labels! From bleach to softeners, I learned of a multitude of ways to wash my clothes. Overwhelmed and still undecided, I left the aisle to reevaluate. Apparently this process required further thought. What was I really looking for in a detergent? I drew a mental list of conclusions and put them in order of importance.
1) Preserving the quality of my clothes
2) Cleaning my clothes
3) Ensuring a good smell afterwards
4) Price

With new found hope, I crept around the corner to aisle 12, as if a man with an axe awaited me there. Fifteen minutes later, I emerged victorious. After every last bit of information was assessed, I ended up with Tide! To appease the curious few; no they aren’t paying me to write this. I left Target with the sense of accomplishment one feels when receiving A on a test after a sleepless night of studying. I was sure my clothes were in the best hands possible. I never recalled spending that long making a decision in poker. “Why is that?” I thought to myself. Surely the difference in detergents isn’t as important as the decisions I make at work. Mentally exhausted and eager to get home, I proceeded to the cashier.
Thanks for reading. I’m joking. What was the point of that story? We’ll get to that? Exaggerated? Perhaps. But get this; I’ve recently washed some shirts that turned out stained and smelling of detergent. Several days later, I’m still agonizing over my decision. I can’t help but thinking to myself, “I should have went with Cheer instead of Tide and perhaps this wouldn’t have happened.” A funny thing to note. When I used to have this predicament in a seemingly trivial matter, I would simply buy the the most expensive item in that category. My justification was if it sucks, at least I’ll have done all that I could. I’m beginning to think that’s the best way to appease one’s mind.

I’ll never forget what I thought as I stood dumbfounded in the middle of Target. “There are all these choices, and neither one seems any better than the next.” As I began to move throughout the store I realized that this applies to nearly every area of our life. There are entire aisles dedicated to something so seemingly trivial such as the water we drink. There are advertisements, debates and even a social hierarchy as to which water is superior. What used to be a normal shopping experience, has now become a mind numbing process. The worst part? We don’t realize that this is happening every hour of every day and are left helpless as victims of choice. I had an epiphany that day at Target. I realized that choices are a significant contributor to our unhappiness. From sexual partners to jobs to TV stations, this can be extended to any area of our lives. Have you ever wanted to watch several things at once on TV and couldn’t fully enjoy one as you knew the other was on? Or felt the urge to check every radio station to make sure you found the best song on at the time (even if you liked one you previously landed on?) It’s hard to be content when we know there is so much else out there. To take a more trivial example, if one only has vanilla ice cream, they are quite content as they realize, “this beats broccoli.” It’s only when they start having exotic flavors such as rocky road and mint chocolate chip and suddenly vanilla never tastes the same. This is not always a bad thing, but it can make contentment quite difficult to find.

I’ve come to realize the meaning of the adage, “the grass is always greener on the other side.” Regardless of the decision we make (obviously the more important the choice, the greater the effect on our happiness) the more we will wonder about whether we made the right decision. Should I have switched to Victory Poker from Doyle’s Room? If it doesn’t work out, I’ll be a lot unhappier than if I had just stayed. Even more trivial, I’d be happier if I didn’t have the option to switch because I wouldn’t be able to have it any other way and would be content with what I had. Perhaps Neo puts it best in “The Matrix” when agonizing over whether to take the red pill or the blue pill. “The problem is choice,” he says plainly. This becomes a central theme throughout the movie and several times the characters reflect over whether or not they made the right decision. What was not mentioned was that having no decision would have been optimal as they would have never known the difference and thus remained content!

In any decision we can always feel that “the grass is greener.” However learning to find contentment while utilizing the options we have provides us an optimal state of existence. We need to learn to ignore the useless barrage of choices (laundry detergent, water, paper towels, etc) and focus on what’s actually going to better our lives (profession, partners, hobbies, etc). Perhaps this is why every study concludes that there is no correlation between money and happiness (assuming one can meet basic needs of survival). I’ve talked before about how I envy the homeless kid in Hawaii for his life is so simple and has little to distract him. He is content with the simplistic, enjoying each day for what it brings, happy to be alive. I don’t envy the famous for they are bombarded on a daily basis to the point where the often forget what’s important. One can choose to approach this predicament in two ways. The pessimist argues, we will never be happy and we are doomed to a life of wondering what other options we have. The optimist says, “sure the grass will always be greener” but why is that such a bad thing? Regardless of what choice we make we will always wonder. Thus, the only way to find contentment is be liberated by the fact that often times, there is no wrong decision. Does it affect my life if I do this or that? By and large the answer is no. This applies to much more areas than laundry detergent and brands of water. From living here to traveling there, most things aren’t as big of a deal as we make them. Doesn’t this make the process of “choosing” much easier? We can be free to make whatever decision we want, knowing full well that there is both contentment and misery to find in every action we take. We can only make the best decision with the information available to us at the time. Ultimately, it is us who is left with the decision. Perhaps this adage best sums it up, “the glass is either half empty or half full.” We must decide how we see it. The choice is yours…

“We are about as happy as we decide to be.”
- Abraham Lincoln

As always, your thoughts are appreciated at alectorelli@gmail.com